Rest

To be honest, as my new season of being a stay-home wife approached, I had serious waves of panic.

It felt like there was an underlying current of worry, and an anxiety that I didn’t see coming. I would sometimes brush it aside, saying to myself, I’m getting into something that’s going to be better for me…what is there to be anxious about?

It was subtle, but I later realised – that I’m actually treasuring this new season so much, that I’ve underlying worries of messing it up. Y’know, not wanting to waste my time, not wanting to be unproductive, … so much so that I completely forgot – God wants me to rest.

Just. Rest.

Oh, my soul is so restless.

Even after the realization, I wasn’t completely freed from the self-imposed pressure.

It was as if I forgot about it, enjoyed my farewell closure with the children and dear colleagues…rode on the wave of the Chinese New Year festivities, and then when my first full day of being a stay-home wife arrived yesterday – the first day not having Bren around after the long holiday break – I became a housework + cooking machine. I cleaned and cleaned, and cooked and baked and cooked even more.

And exhausted myself by the end of the day.

Thankfully, I came to that realization this morning that it’s not how it should be, and acknowledged the fact that I desperately needed some good ol’ me-time.

Time to simply enjoy.

To do things that my soul craved, instead of feeling the unnecessary expectation of being “productive”. {Yes, even as a stay-home wife, there were unwritten expectations in my mind about how I should be “producing”.}

So I made a choice.

A very conscious choice.

I chose to linger. 🙂

Treated my Mum to lunch at a nice quiet Japanese place, and we just talked.

Chatted about her old neighbors, about their stories growing up, and helped with photo apps that she wanted.

It was soul-nourishing, and my heart went away so much happier because of it.

After making payment, I told the wait staff that we’ll just be hanging out there for a while. He smiled, and said it wasn’t a problem.

I can’t explain how it felt SO good being able to say that. 🙂

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Lingering.

I’m going to do that more often.

After all, we are not machines, but real people with real needs and authentic desires.

💗 my little love note for you: what can you linger over today, dear friends? what will make your soul deeply nourished? would you choose to make space for it today…?

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2 thoughts on “Rest

  1. Cayce says:

    love this. 🙂
    it is something I am working on this year – for me it’s my lunch breaks. instead of going with the flow (i.e. lunching with the team just because it has always been a norm) or using it as a “run-errands” hour, I’ve been trying to use it to catch up with friends, catch up with reading.. or sometimes just in a quieter cafe by myself. it feels SO good. 🙂

  2. cookiesrainandlove says:

    *high 5 ✋
    So glad to have a friend with me on this! & it makes me smile, reading what you’ve been using your lunch breaks for! Let’s continue to stay true to who we are…even if it’s not the norm.

    So what are your plans for lunch break today??

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