Bren reminded me few nights back as we were strolling home, saying, “Wow, 1 year ago this time, we were just starting our IVF treatment.”
I paused in my steps. Smiled, and said, “Ya…how time flies, and how things have changed.”
I posted this 1 year ago, when we were just embarking on that new season.
A season of digging deeper into our faith, a season of allowing God to mould us in times of trials, a season of physical and emotional pain, not knowing when the rainbow at the end will ever arrive, especially after we were told that the treatment was not successful.
But the rainbow did arrive. 🙂
From a place of brokenness and great uncertainty, we held onto His promises by a thread, and now we are experiencing His faithfulness day after day, as our darling baby moves around in me…it’s incredibly surreal.
God is so faithful.
And we are so glad for it. 🙂
Does that mean I now don’t wrestle with insecurity of the unknown and have it all figured out? Of course not.
In fact, as the day for baby’s arrival draws nearer, I’ve noticed a subtle anxiety creeping up on me. Thoughts run through my head, causing me to worry a little more. About how baby’s room has not been fully furnished yet…about how there are still items that need to be bought…and books that I’ve yet to finish reading.
Bren sometimes chuckles out, “Do we really know what we’re getting ourselves into?” to which I’ll chuckle back, “Not really!”
Guess you’ll never really be ready.
But God whispers, “You don’t have to have it all together.”
So I suck in my shallow breaths, anchoring them deeply in His Word, that He never leaves me nor forsakes me. He has brought about such a miraculous gift of life for Bren & I, and He’ll continue to see us through this last stretch of pregnancy and beyond.
I’ll simply continue to be faithful to do whatever He asks of me each day, and trust Him with the rest.
So I continue to prepare breakfast every morning. And bake cakes when I’m in the mood for some. I continue to pray and seek Him every time I feel my heart wandering around in the land of anxiety. And I snap a picture of Bren reading to baby – his little bedtime routine for her – because I never ever want to take such moments flippantly.
And I just let Jesus, be Jesus, in me.