It had been a while since the last time she fell asleep on me.
There was a period of fussiness that Ellie went through in the first and second month, which led us to rock her to sleep in order that she got the rest she needed. It was tiring, but she was still so young and we did it in order to survive the days, haha.
When she started cooing and babbling in the middle of her second month though, I could sense that she had the ability to understand us a little better and she was now more secure too, so we decided to try transitioning her slowly back to sleeping in her cot, on her own. It went seamlessly! 🙂
I was definitely thankful and happy because it meant I could have more time to settle household chores, cook, read, and have my pumping sessions more frequently. However, there was also a tinge of sadness that the days of the past were over – just like that. Gratitude and wistfulness co-existed in that moment.
One evening, she was crying for more milk – possibly because of her growth spurt period – so I fed her. She ended up sleeping on me right after. My first thought was to hold her upright for a few minutes before laying her back to sleep on the cot.
But while holding her, I stumbled onto a few mummies’ comments through a forum on how we should just treasure the times that our babies fall asleep in our arms, because they really grow up so quickly. My heart resonated so much with that.
Suddenly, all those guilty feelings of “should I be doing this? should I be holding her to sleep? will she get used to this and fuss when she doesn’t get it next time, and others will point it to my fault?“……just left me, especially when I realised how much I need to remain in each present moment to receive the gifts that God desires to give me.
And that includes the heartwarming gift of having my sweet baby fall asleep on me.
I placed my phone down.
I held her snug-tight.
I propped my pillows into a nice, comfy position.
And I just held her…guilt-free, with no fear of spoiling her…no fear of what others may say.
I held her knowing that this too will pass, and when it’s all gone, I’ll be very sorry I missed it.
I closed my eyes, and we just slept together.
Till Bren came home after work.
It is now one of the sweetest moments locked in my memories of motherhood.
Absolutely no regrets. 😉
//just out of curiosity, how was it like for all you mummies reading this? Did you have the same struggle? Were your babies easy to put to sleep from the start? Would love to hear from you!