Marriage

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Brendan and I got married in October 2010, and it was one of the most special days of our lives. The wedding was beautifully simple, just the way we liked it. Prior to the wedding, I was actually more excited about the “living it out” aspect than the “getting married” aspect, but I have to honestly say that I did not expect it to be such a steep learning curve.

Our first month was especially memorable, because it was so incredibly tough! Though we had been dating since we were 17, there were many moments when I felt crushed by how difficult it was to communicate well, and had no idea how to navigate this thing called marriage. Whenever we argued – especially over seemingly petty issues – I would get heartbroken and feel so lost, the only thing I was hanging on to was our faith in God, and in how He promises to make everything work for our good, as long as we love Him and are called according to His purposes.

Slowly, by the grace of God, our marriage took a turn for the better. I sought to understand how God has made Brendan differently from me, and Brendan did the same for me too. We read devotional books together, prayed together, discussed topics intentionally, and agreed to help each other remain calm in the midst of differences in opinions. I started praying for him more often, and we agreed to make our marriage a priority, even in challenging seasons.

Today, we can honestly say {with a huge sigh of relief} that we are definitely in a much better place than we were when we first started out. I can only attribute it to His amazing grace that has seen us through the first few tough years of marriage.

I pray that as I share my thoughts on this topic, you will find solace in God’s Word and in knowing that you are not alone in this journey of becoming a better wife for your dear husband. 🙂 It is worth it, wives! Honor God in your marriage, and He will honour you too.

Proverbs 31:11

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 


Some Things I Have Learnt…

1. It is important to cover our husbands in prayer. God is the one who is ultimately sovereign over our marriages, and though there are many things beyond our control and understanding, we can always place our concerns and requests into God’s hands, and pray for a hedge of protection over our husbands as well as our marriages.

2. Our husbands need our respect, encouragement and acceptance. This is a big one for me, and I took a very long time before I could do it on a regular basis. I have learnt the need to bite my tongue and to be more careful about my words and actions, and to constantly reflect on whether I am respecting, encouraging and accepting him for who he is. Many times, it is about making sure I do the right thing, instead of being right in my own opinion and end up hurting my husband instead.

3. Be the bright spark in his life! Our husbands’ days can get very challenging, especially if he is the sole/main breadwinner. He may be stressed over financial responsibilities, challenges at work, or even because of tricky family situations. We can offer our listening ears as well as a cheerful heart, so that we can be that bright spark that he looks forward to seeing after a long day. Our moods affect the people around us, so as much as it depends on you, offer a heart of peace and joy. 🙂

4. Believe in him. Though they may not express this need often, our husbands need to know that us wives believe in their capability and will spur them on in their dreams and convictions. Of course, this is not a blind belief in whatever they so desire to do, but a stand which simply says, you are my husband who is fearfully and wonderfully made by God, and as your wife, I believe that you have the capacity to go after that which God has placed in your heart, according to your strengths and portion. 

5. Take care of the needs of our homes and families. This includes making sure the house is clean and tidy, that food is prepared adequately, and that the atmosphere in our home is a welcoming one. I enjoy waking up way before Brendan does so I can prepare breakfast with worship songs playing in the background, and complete some household chores too. Waking up early also gives me ample time to have quiet communion with the Lord before anything else happens for the rest of the day, so my mornings really set the tone.

Of course, this may not happen ALL the time. There are days when life just simply happens, and things are beyond our capacity and control. During such crazy times, I choose to focus on getting the minimal done, and prioritise the season’s needs instead.

Let’s also love our husband’s loved ones just like our own, and intentionally set aside time for them. Create opportunities for both sides of the families to meet and interact with one another, and before you know it – you’ll have a wonderful group of community who will be able to support you, especially in times of needs!


Proverbs 31:12 

She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

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